Monster
by Astrid16
Summary: Fire destroys. Fire is a monster. I hate fire. I am fire. Therefore, I hate myself, the Monster.


**So...hey, guys! I had this idea that hopped onto my lap on the form of a cute little plot bunny (NaNo reference, lol) and I had to shoo its cuteness away in the most humane way possible. So here, have a one-shot from me. The first one in months. Please review? I don't have very high hopes for this one, but prove me wrong! **

**Everyone really liked my _Goodbye,_ _Brother _drabble a while back, so I did another one. This time, with Kai as the main character! :3 I've never done that before. Enjoy? Please note that this story is not intended to give you feels/tears. It's just a little fluffy angora rabbit that would not leave me alone in the middle of writing chapter 43 of True Grit. But if it does make you feel all tingly, then good for you! **

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_**~Monster~**  
_**_A Ninjago One-shot_**

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I sit on a rock beside the lake, staring off into its cyan green depths. My feet swing back and forth. Toes into the water, making a soft splash, then heels slamming against the stone. I hold a handful of small sticks, gathered on the way to this spot. One by one, I burn them in my palm. Wisps of gray smoke billow into the air, carried away by the hot breeze.

Fire. All it's good for is destruction, and I hate it with a deep, cold passion. I hate fire. I hate smoke. After all, it's the fire's fault that-

No. Don't think about it.

Once the wind has carried away my handful of twigs, I wipe my hands on my jeans. Death comes so easily to all things. Trees are no exception.

I trace the lines in my palm. Where does my fire come from? What did I do to deserve this wicked curse?

Why me?

I lean over the edge of the rock and stare at my face, gaunt from my many sleepless nights.

How long has it been? A week? A month? Time has no meaning when one is grieving. I realize that, now that she's-

"Agh!" I throw a blue ball of fire at my reflection, making the water sizzle around my bare feet. I am fire.

And I hate myself.

"...Kai?" A tentative voice asks behind me. "Hey, it's Jay. Do you want...I don't know...some company?"

"What are you doing here?" I ask tersely. "Aren't you afraid that I'll kill you, too?"

Jay sits down beside me. "It wasn't your fault," he says quietly. His face is pale, and his clothing fits loosely over his haggard frame. He hasn't eaten since Nya-

"Really?" I stare into his eyes. "Say that to my face."

Jay takes one look at my dark features, and he exhales a long sigh. "I can't," he says weakly.

"That's what I thought," I snort. "So why are you still hanging around?"

Jay has no answer. He looks out at the distant tree line across the lake, eyes distant and detached.

My feet go still, and a few curious minnows swim to the surface, biting at my toes. I let them.

"Have you..." Jay begins, voice cracking. "Have you ever thought that maybe she wouldn't like this?"

"Like what?" I ask.

"Us," Jay says. "What we're doing. I mean, it happened like...two weeks ago. Isn't our behavior just a little bit immature?"

I shrug. "I don't know."

"So that's it?" Jay asks. "You don't know, you don't care, and you'd rather just sit here and beat yourself up over an _accident?_"

"Yes," I answer without hesitation. "After what I did to her, how could I ever expect to just...go back to living as if it had never happened? Because it did, and I'm to blame."

Jay opens his mouth to speak, then shuts it with a shake of his head. He tucks his legs under his chin and closes his eyes. Tears drip down his cheeks silently.

A little toddler walks up to Jay, black hair curling around her girlish features. She crawls onto his lap and sits quietly, eyes closed.

"Hey, Teru," Jay kisses the top of the child's head softly. "Where's Zane? He was supposed to watch you."

Teru sniffs and rubs her face against Jay's white shirt. "He tol' me to find you," she says in a soft voice.

"You should have stayed back," I snap. "Both of you. I want to be alone."

"I don't want to leave you alone," Jay argues. "We want to stay here and keep you company. Right, Teru?"

Teru's wide brown eyes regard me with fear. She shakes her head.

I don't blame her. She has a very good reason to be afraid.

I killed her mother.

I stand, then turn to leave. "I'll leave you to your thoughts," I say, feigning confidence as I hop from the rock, feet crashing against the sharp pebbles. No decent human would find the pain pleasurable. That's why I'm not human.

I am a monster.

But still...there's a little voice in my head that asks me why I behave like this. Why don't I at least _try _to make up for it, instead of sitting around and brooding on the past?

_Because, _I always answer, _I am a monster. I create fire, and fire creates death. I don't deserve happiness. My sins are too great._

_But could an accident be labeled as a sin? _The voice asks.

_Yes_, I reply. _There is no excuse for what I did. I knew what could happen, and I took the risk despite my better judgement. Leave me alone._

_But-_

"Leave me alone!" I scream at the trees.

"Kai," Jay is suddenly behind me, Teru perched on his shoulders. "Stop it. No one hates you. No one thinks you're a monster."

I ignore him and continue walking.

"Kai!" He grabs my arm and forces me to stop. "Sure, it was your fault. But it was an accident!"

I have nothing to say, so I glare at him, careful not to meet Teru's eyes. I can feel her gaze boring into my skull. She is confused. Stressed. Why did Uncle Kai kill her mommy?

"We all love you, Kai," Jay says. "You're our brother. It hurts me, too. It's hard to trust you. But anyone could have made the same mistake."

"Oh?" I raise an eyebrow. "Everyone has _fire powers?_"

"Yes- I mean- no!" Jay stutters. "What I'm saying is that anyone in your place might have done the same thing."

I give him a blank look.

Jay finally gives up. "Come on," he says, hiking Teru higher onto his shoulders. "Let's go back." He starts down the path, then turns his head to give me a tentative smile. "You too, Kai. Zane and Cole are waiting for us. I don't know about you, but I'm starving. Literally."

_Maybe someday I'll believe him,_ I think as I start trudging behind him. _But not here, and not now._

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**So...yeah. Not my favorite one-shot (I still really like Goodbye, Brother, even though it has terrible grammar.)**

**I was reading the manga Dengeki Daisy last night, and the name Teru came to me. I'll never guess why. *_***

**Don's ask me how Nya died, you're not supposed to know. I call it "Abstract Art." **

**What do you think? Can I please haz kabobs? (reviews.) ^^ **


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